Grief & Loss

Engaging in periodic self-check ins are helpful to stay aware of what is going on in your system. What are you feeling in your mind, body, spirit? Assess yourself, what are your needs? What parts of you feel comfortable/uncomfortable right now? What are you feeling right now? What are your thoughts right now? Brainstorm some ways that you can meet those identified needs. Refer to some of the resource pages to assist if needed. 

Noticing some narratives coming up in your mind as you go about your day? It may be helpful to stop yourself to give some time to be with your feelings. Again, if we ignore our symptoms they become louder until we tend to them. They can be expressed verbally, written down then discarded, this may be a good time to journal, call someone, listen to some validating music, or find an article online to read about someone who can relate to how you are feeling in this moment. Remind yourself that the feeling is very normal, and the feeling is there because you lost someone meaningful to you. Reflecting on some of those good memories may also help during this time. Have some patience with yourself  and give yourself the time that you need, let go of any time constraints that you may have on your grieving process, it is ok if it has been one year or five years, lets tend to your systems needs.

Positive reflection can be useful in challenging a negative thought process. It could be helpful to write down your thoughts as we know a thought doesn't always have to be fluid, however, to put it on paper we need to make sense of the thought. You can reflect on topics including:

• positive memories with this person

•  lessons you have learned with or from this person

•  legacies that you will pass on as a result of knowing this person

•  your journey thus far, and how it has brought you to this point

• what you are grateful for in reflecting on your experiences with this person

 Just a few prompts to get you started. 

When grieving we may find that waves of discomfort come out of nowhere sometimes. It is tempting to continue to ignore these feelings and try to focus on continuing to live our lives. We may feel we need to move on and we can't sit in our grief forever. If your body is feeling uncomfortable, listen to it, you deserve that. Give yourself compassion and the attention that it needs. Remember that when we ignore our needs our body gets louder and more uncomfortable in more ways. Here are some quick ideas if we find that we are on the go or at work:

1. Step away from your current situation. Take a slow mindful walk (take in your surroundings and find appreciation for the beauty of the nature that surrounds you) Notice the stability in the NOW.

2. Engage in tapping until you find your body calming and your mind slowing

3. Take in slow deep breaths imagining a white healing light starting at your head and working its way through your body healing your discomfort. Every inhale is the white healing light, every exhale is the discomfort inside of you. Repeat this until you notice your body slowing down. 

I understand that this one can be difficult if spirituality is difficult, however, maintaining connection with our loved ones can be extremely helpful in the grieving process. The internal void that we feel can be addressed with connection, not fully, but on some level. It can give us a feeling that our loved one is still with us, they continue to be a part of us, and we are still able to access them in some way. This eliminates that permanent feeling of loss that can bring on those heavy feelings of grief.

Here are some ideas to establish an ongoing connection:

• prayer

•  talking to our loved one

•  listening to music we shared

•  familiar places

•  noticing physical features of biological family

•  qualities or skills that we adapted from that person and acknowledging that person for having them

• getting together with family/friends to reflect on memories. 

It has been said that grief is love with nowhere to go. Sometimes we can find it useful to find places to filter our love, first and foremost, it is important to love ourselves through the grieving process. By following the above steps, you are off to a very good start. Putting time into your family, friends, pets, community, and local groups to support others in need may be a great way to help out and in the process get your needs met. It is always important to acknowledge that you are taking positive steps toward healing to send those positive vibes to yourself internally that you are doing the right thing for yourself and feed yourself some positive energy. As we say with almost everything we do, it is so easy to go through the motions and never acknowledge the good we do in a day, however, we always notice the negative actions because they show up much louder. Don't forget to give yourself credit for the positives, especially during this crucial period.