Co-Dependency

Lack of self defines a codependent individual, of which identifies most with the external world. For example, what their partner wants for dinner, or if their father thinks the car is worth purchasing. It is important to work toward identifying who you are, and gaining appreciation for yourself. Hold space for your ideas, personality, humor, thoughts, creativity, voice, style, insights, interests, dreams, etc... Allow yourself to share it with the world, expose yourself to new environments, foods, nature and see how your system responds. Get to know yourself better and return to those spots that you are most drawn to.

Emotional boundaries occur internally  in our body and thought process. This is where we create space to honor our own emotions and set limits with other's emotions. To manage our own stress level it is important to become aware of the stress and tension that is present in your body. In addition, it is helpful to determine what is yours and what is not. 

When codependency is our norm, we may not recognize what is occurring in our body. Therefore it is important to slow ourselves using mindfulness strategies and asking ourselves some questions. 

• Are my feelings shifting due to the shift in my friend's feelings?

• Do I feel like I need to fix my friend's uncomfortable feelings?

• Do I have difficulty regulating my feelings when others disagree with me?

• Do I internalize or am I easily manipulated by personal insults or threats?

If you find that you can relate to these questions it is important to protect your inner peace by setting emotional boundaries. This can become confusing initially if we are not used to setting them. 

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Codependent communication barriers can manifest in various ways. Some examples include:

1. Difficulty expressing one's needs and wants clearly and directly, leading to confusion and misunderstandings.

2. Fear of conflict or rejection, leading to avoidance of difficult conversations and lack of assertiveness.

3. Overreliance on others for validation and approval, leading to a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.

4. Tendency to take responsibility for other people's emotions and behaviors, leading to a lack of personal boundaries.

5. Difficulty in accepting feedback or criticism, leading to defensiveness and denial.

6. Constant need for reassurance and attention, leading to emotional exhaustion and burnout.

7. Inability to make decisions independently, leading to a reliance on others for guidance and direction.

These communication barriers can have a negative impact on personal relationships and can prevent individuals from achieving their goals and fulfilling their potential. It's important to address these issues through self-reflection, therapy, and healthy communication practices.

Establishing boundaries can be a significant challenge if we are not accustomed to it. It may initially feel difficult to prioritize our own needs over others, especially if we have been in the habit of doing so for a long time. However, setting boundaries is essential for fostering self-care, self-esteem, and maintaining our personal standards and limitations. It is also a means of teaching others how to love and respect us. Without boundaries, we are more likely to fall into unhealthy patterns, inadvertently signaling that we accept and enable these patterns to persist. Overtime we can become lost in a world of chaos where other's needs become more important than our own, and we begin to lose connection with ourselves. 

Setting external boundaries is about establishing limits with things outside of us. It means recognizing what doesn't benefit us, what doesn't contribute to our overall well-being, and confidently choosing not to involve ourselves with those environments, groups, or individuals. This approach doesn't have to be distant or extreme, but rather it can be selectively implemented by prioritizing specific subjects, activities, or designated periods of time.

Codependents are highly sensitive to the emotions of others and may prioritize protecting other people's feelings over their own. However, this behavior can lead to increased stress that they have no control over since it is not within their sphere of influence. Often, codependents lose sight of themselves and become unclear about their emotions and feelings. This lack of self-awareness can later manifest as anger or resentment, leaving them questioning the cause. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to your body, emotions, and responses, and prioritize your own needs.

Those who are actively codependent often prioritize the care of others over their own well-being, neglecting their own needs and self-care in the process. This can result in low self-esteem and a lack of investment in themselves, leading to an undefined personal identity. They may base their likes and interests around those they care for, rather than themselves. Pursuing happiness and contentment can feel uncomfortable for them, and spending time alone may be undesirable. This lack of self-identity can create problematic relationship dynamics such as clinginess, seeking validation from others, expecting others to provide happiness, and difficulty regulating emotions or taking responsibility for them.